the art of healing

Sun. 12/29/2024

i think that's what life just is.

meeting beautiful people, and then moving on.

watching the sunny sky, and then accepting when it becomes gray.

enjoying the high, embracing the darkness. it's okay. i will get better soon.

and maybe one day, i'll die.

20:00

winter quiets 

and summer brings her natural hue

i step in line,

oh God, how i step in line again

the heat is too strong, i don't feel spring

how i loved you

but nothing in this little life ever lasts

nothing in my little mind

ever lasts

my head hurts, everything crawls

the weight of God sitting in the middle of my forehead

i scream, i quiet my soul

i try to breathe

a teenage suicide

i would never dream

my last year as a teenager 

would leave me feeling more experienced than any man

you may continue

haunt me, haunt me, haunt me

make me regret everything i ever did

make my fingers burn, my knees numb

pull my stomach out, make me cry

pull my stomach out and look at what you did

the sky falls, and i become quiet again

a seal placed over my mouth, i do not make a sound

maybe i am silent for all those who could never speak

maybe God knows

God knows i need the medicine

so i will go

crawling back to my psychiatrist

and i will take it.

finally

let us rest in the bliss of having belonged to eachother for a short while.

from my little notebook pt 3

He said, " i don't belong to this world,"

and i agree

we are two people

spinning in space

finding our way back 

home again

I lay back,

watching the stardrops from the sky

it's funny, i don't remember him at all.

i smell weed. i see little crystals of leaves.

my last little week of feeling

soon, next week, i will go back on my medicine. 

so this week, i will savor all the feelings.

i will feel all the things.

so when 2025 comes, i can be ready. to be normal.

Fri. 1/3/2025

you can't have life without pain. that is a given.

1/3/25 - small excerpts

my shoes step down to race 

from that God-forsaken place

the broken dreams and memories

my ashes all over the place

would every sanctuary grow

where the wild things cannot tame it

we're both vessels of souls, but so forbidden to touch.